LEGGO My Make-Up

The March 2013 issue of InStyle magazine featured an article called How to Score Amazing Legs.  Okay, I'll bite on that title.  Legs are good.

The article is divided by decades.  I completely ignored the 20s and 30s (distant memories), but zoomed in on the 40s and 50s.

The 40s:  Check. (Hallelujah!)

The 50s:  Hold.The.Phone.

Much to my surprise, the last-ditch suggestion for amazing 50-something legs was...spray-on LEG CAMOUFLAGE.  In other words, make-up.  I immediately thought this was a bad idea.  Here are the top 4 reasons why I reject this suggestion:

1. Accessibility:  Unless you are very bendy, it's going to be hard to get a consistent application.
2. Land Mass:  Facial make-up can be expensive, but the total square footage required is pretty small.  But the sheer volume of land mass for two legs (especially if they are hefty legs) could become cost prohibitive very quickly.
3. Stop the Madness:  Where does the make-up stop?  Three inches above the knee?  Your panty line?  This gets tricky.  What if your skirt twirls up in a big wind (that happens a lot here on the Prairie)?  Do you just go calf-down on Capris Tuesdays?
4. Midas Touch:  What it if rubs off on other surfaces?  I remember a car trip in junior high.  I had the coolest pair of red cotton pants in the history of time and I wore them Loud & Proud.  By the end of the (pre-Tide Color Catchers) trip, my cool red pants had stained the tan leather seats in my friend's Bronco.  I was forever banished from road trips with my friend.  (Fade back to the present)  What if my leg make-up stained my leather furniture...or worst yet, what if I tumbled into bed and stained my gloriously luxe Calvin Klein high thread-count sheets?  This idea is just loaded with potential disasters.

I don't know about you, but I'm going to take my chances with lotion and a good razor.